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03:28pm 23/09/2007
  So a couple of days ago, I'm off-roading in a humvee in the middle of the night without headlights on.

"Without headlights?" you say?

"How did he manage that?"

Well I was able to do it with a little thing that I like to call "night vision goggles".

Well anyway, I'm off-roading with night vision and I says to myself, I says "Wow. It really sucks not being me right now."

Suck it, civilians.

Hooah.
 
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Hey.   
09:28pm 20/06/2007
  I'm in the military now. I need people's... addresses....  
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Why I Love Zombie Movies   
02:35am 14/06/2007
  I’ve always been a fan of apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic movies, but for a few reasons, zombies have always held a special place in my heart.

In zombie films, zombies are often time a very slow and containable enemy. If people would just band together, they could easily defeat their zombie foes. Unfortunately, mankind seems to always break in such a crisis giving in to fear, lack of morality, and irrationality. Despite always having superior firepower, humans always fall prey to the zombies’ overwhelming numbers due to human mental weaknesses.

It is this lack of morality especially which makes zombie movies so interesting, the ones that come to mind are those of George Romero, and remakes based on his work. In the original Dawn of the Dead, two SWAT members who were evacuating apartment buildings which were being overrun by zombies decide to fuck that noise, and they rendezvous with two television station workers, steal the station helicopter and barricade themselves inside of a mall until everything blows over. The SWAT members, despite being enormously capable of taking care of themselves and being of incalculable value in a world being overrun by zombies decide to forgo the whole chivalry thing, deciding instead that looting the shit out of a mall is much more to their liking. They then barricade the mall from further zombie incursion, and kill all of the zombies inside while hiding from the presence of military helicopters to conceal their AWOL status. These four survivors then have a few months of some pretty fucking fun times, as you can imagine having an entire mall to yourself may be.

Later, when a biker gang discovers these survivors are in the mall, they raid the mall and fucking slaughter all of the zombies which happen to cross their path. Rather than flee in their still functioning helicopter, the survivors shoot at the bikers from afar as they battle the zombies thinning the biker herd to the point that they’re literally ripped apart. Greed got the bikers killed, as it got two of the survivors killed. In an effort to fool themselves into thinking they were living the good life in a zombie infested dystopia, the survivors were willing to give up their lives for fur coats and catalog-style living room furniture sets which they had already admitted that they were getting sick of.

In George Romero’s Land of the Dead, a city exists as one of the last bastions of human existence on the planet. Yet even in a post-apocalyptic world completely destroyed by the living dead, parasitic capitalism still holds sway. The city’s inhabitants are very clear-cut different, dualistically split into proletariat and bourgeoisie classes. The bourgeoisie live in their very modern skyscraper with indoor shopping facilities (allusion to the Tower of Babel) as they sit high and pretty while the peasants live inside the city’s protected walls at the very high price of extreme destitute poverty in their shanty towns.

Eventually the zombies find a way to infiltrate this previously well protected city, march in, slaughter the shit out of people, invade the bourgeois skyscraper and completely annihilate those rich fucks. They then mysteriously leave… their goal (if zombies even have goals) apparently completed. Perhaps the head zombie was a fan of Zombie Marx’s Zombie Manifesto? The bourgeois humans had become victims of their own greed and had paid the ultimate price. Good guys win. Yaaaay

Another thing I like about zombie movies is that the heroes of these films are often time previous losers in a big way. They lived lives of unhappiness and failure, and only under the most unfortunate of circumstances does their previously dormant skill arise… the ability to ruin zombies. It’s very interesting to me to think that someone who sells copiers one day can wake up the next morning and become a heroic zombie slayer with unprecedented leadership abilities.

It’s also very fun for me to imagine what steps I would take to survive in this sort of world being attacked by zombies. For the last couple of weeks, I have not been able to stop day dreaming about this. For hours on end, I imagine where my bases of operation would be, what stores I would need to loot, what sort of equipment I would need to obtain, and where I would set up refugee centers/fortresses that I and my band of paramilitary zombie-killing irregulars would heroically set up to ensure the continued existence of the human race (think Red Dawn meets 28 Days Later). This whole idea probably isn’t something that most people put too much thought into, but this sort of experience seems like a logistical puzzle (nightmare?) that the mere thought of makes me coo with delight.

Zombies wrack my imagination like no other Hollywood creature has been able to do. I only hope that in the unlikely case of an actual zombie attack, the logic and detailed plans that I pride myself on will be of immense help. I’m praying things wouldn’t go exactly like the movies. Survivors will be logical, devoid of greed and frivolous corruptibility, have survived because they are the fittest, and women hopefully will serve some purpose other than being hysterical nuisances. Fucking bring it.
 
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Shit List 6/13/07   
11:30pm 13/06/2007
 
mood: aggravated
This is something that I've been meaning to do for a long time. This is where I will list things that really bother me. I'll start it off slow and add on to it as things that I hate really click into my mind.

1. People who are afraid of speed bumps. This includes people who go over them at .0001 mph or people who utilize drastic, evasive manuevers in an effort to avoid them. All you have to do is slow down, people.

2. Stupid questions. There are tons of stupid questions that can be asked at any time and in any situation by surrounding people. I know some people just can't really help it, but that doesn't mean I still can't hate them. And to those of you who don't believe in stupid questions, I hate inquisitive idiots.

3. Clowns! Dude! Fuck clowns! There's nothing great about them! Not a goddamned thing! They're fucking assholes!

There's this troupe of clowns who are a San Diego Shockwave sponser, San Diego Shockwave being the National Indoor Football League expansion team that has recently made it out our way. I was working the San Diego Shockwave football game last night selling merch, and Kathleen asked me if I had talked to any of the clowns yet. My instant reaction was unbridled anger. Why the fuck would I talk to a clown?

Apparently they had offered her some sort of Mexican food dish... an enchilada or something, but it turned out, in fact, not to be an enchilada at all. It was some sort of "hillarious" gag. She had just become a statistic, another victim of clown tomfoolery.

Case in point: clowns are assholes.

4. People who overuse or inappropriately use "Know what I'm saying?" or equivalent phrases. That shit really grinds my gears.

It's like people who use that phrase or an equivalent feel such a lack of confidence in themselves over what they're saying that they feel the need to assuage their own unease by comfirming that what they said was understood by the other party when I believe that it is actually they, themselves, who they are trying to convince that they heard more confidence in their voice than was really there those precious 2 seconds before. Just a little cognitive dissonance so their world view doesn't come crashing down by the realization of what they said could have easily been left unsaid or worded more intelligently.

An example which comes to mind is a time when I was in the bathroom at McGregor's Pub, and all of the urinals and toilets were being used by a whole lot of people who were pissing. I see this and quietly wait my turn in the very small line knowing that I will be allowed the opportunity to piss quite soon. Two young gentlemen line up behind me, and one of them immediately says, "Yo! Everyone's pissing! Know what I'm sayin'!?"

Well when you speak in code, I have a hard time understanding you. You fucking asshole. Yes, I understand what you're saying. There was only one way to interpret that. I will hate you forever now. Know what I'm sayin'?
 
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09:51pm 18/04/2007
 
mood: accomplished
So I signed up with a temp agency today. I left feeling like a god. They make you take all sorts of laughable computer compentency tests there. They had never had someone test out as an expert in both Excel and Word before me. Then they shit another brick when they found out that I type at 63 wpm with 0 errors. They said they're lucky if they get somebody who can type 30. So as of tomorrow... I'll be conducting surveys with customers at a local coffee house in Hillcrest. Cool.

Everytime I start looking for a job, I have another within a week. I make this shit look so fucking easy. </ego>

Temping fucking rocks. Though... I'm not looking forward to when people ask me what I do... Telling people, "I'm a behavioral therapist. I work with autistic children all over San Diego County" sounds so much better than... "I'm a temp." Oh well. Rent money is rent money.

On a side note, I've acquired both the new NIN and Skinny Puppy albums. Both are definitely worth giving a listening to... NIN especially.

Take care everyone.
 
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ACES Academy is retarded.   
10:00am 16/04/2007
 
mood: blank
Well today was the end of my three month intro probationary period while working for ACES Academy. I had an appraisal meeting to start off the day so that they could let me know how I was doing. It did not turn out as expected. One could say that the full results of this meeting have yet to register in my mind. One could say.

So after three months of being bitten, stabbed, kicked, punched, and otherwise mentally abused by autistic children, my services at ACES Academy are no longer needed effective immediately. It has been determined that I'm "not a right match for the company."

My data paperwork was substandard my first week that I started to work in the academy… which a supervisor let me know about, and I believed it to be perfect ever since. I apparently did not exude a positive enough energy while around clients, and there was an incident last week where a client ran away outside for a couple of minutes.

Granted, it was a fucked up situation, but I was one of many staff members in the room, and we were all dealing with other kids, all displaying disruptive behaviors. My supervisors have made no secret that we were undermanned in the situation anyway, but apparently due to my inattention, the situation occured. Fuck. It's unfortunate that this situation happened a week before my performance evaluation.

I caused my Army recruiters a bit of a headache as they worked hard to push back my boot camp date. This was in part due to my loyalty to ACES, as I wanted to work to at least the end of the academic school year, because I didn't want to fuck them over by leaving early. So now… I have a couple extra months to stew this all over in my mind. There's an irony to this situation which is hardly lost on me.

Life is pretty fucking funny sometimes.
 
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Doing my part to expand the empire 4/13/07   
06:16pm 13/04/2007
 
mood: awake
Well, it's been 29 weeks since my last journal entry... seems like a good time for a little update for the 3+ lj friends I actually give a shit about.

I have just been inside the military entry processing center from 5:30am through 4:00pm today. Towards the end of my 10+ hours of paperwork, physical examinations and oaths, I began to envy the dead.

As of today, the next six years of my life will belong to the United States Army, well at least in the reserve capacity until I have completed whatever master’s degree I plan on pursuing, whenever that shall be. Upon completion on this degree, I plan on going career and going full active.

In just the next few months, my $5,000 worth of maxed out credit card debt will be taken care of. My thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of student loans will no longer weigh heavily upon my mind. I will have money to draw off of for this potential master’s degree that I seek in the future. I have already been guaranteed the coolest fucking job I have ever heard about in my entire life.

I will be a Psychological Operations Specialist. This is the official description (goarmy.com):


”The role of Psychological Operations is to alter the behavior of foreign populations in a manner consistent with United States diplomatic, national security and foreign policy objectives. A Psychological Operations Specialist is an information and media specialist who can assess the information needs of a target population and develop and deliver the right message at the right time and place to create the intended result.

As a member of the Army Special Operations community, the Psychological Operations Specialist is primarily responsible for the analysis, development and distribution of information used for information and psychological effect.”


Basically, I will be a propaganda expert but will be dabbling with other psychological warfare techniques with possibly some interrogation to boot. I may possibly be the embodiment of everything many people hate about the US military, and I couldn’t be prouder.

And as if being a professional mind-fuck wasn’t enough, I’ll be jumping out of planes too. Sweet.

I will be departing San Diego on June, 21st, and I will be training for no less than 27 weeks. I’m estimating my return at around December 26th-27t of this year.

The initial 9 weeks of boot camp will take me Fort Jackson in South Carolina. Then I immediately have 2 weeks of learning how to jump out of planes at Fort Benning in Georgia. And as far as the rest of it, I will be learning about the military intelligence/psychological operations trade at Fort Bragg in North Carolina.

This whole military thing may come as somewhat of a surprise to you, and perhaps not so much to others. It has always been something that’s been on my mind since high school. I cannot tell you how many times I though about dropping out of college my first three years at SDSU due to the temptation of joining the military.

It seems as if for the past few years, I’ve been trying to force myself to be a good person. I tried out the residential education thing at SDSU, and that was most definitely not my thing. I hardly regret it though, because it is through these two + years that I learned a tremendous amount about myself, and I was able to develop my confidence to a level that I could finally feel ok in my own skin. I made a lot of friends along the way, and learned that I am possibly not as socially retarded as I may have thought.

Since then, I worked for a few months at a group foster home, and for the past few months, I have been working as a behavioral therapist in an academy for autistic children. While both jobs added a slight bit of compassion to my soul that I did not have before, I’m realizing more and more that I’ve been approaching my soul-searching incorrectly. I have been trying to punish myself for a life time of not giving a shit about anything by over compensating and trying to push myself into career paths which are not conducive with my personality whatsoever. Don’t get me wrong, I like working for Aces Academy and am fond of my coworkers, but I realize that it is not a permanent career choice by any means.

I was trying to approach life to make myself into a person I was not rather than by pursuing a life which is conducive with my nature. My friend, Tom, said it best when I told him of my interest in psychological operations when he told me that it would be the perfect job for me due to my “bendable morals”. I swear you know me better than I know myself sometimes.

While I am very socially liberal when it comes to the morality issues, many of my other political views, for example, the US’ foreign policies and issues dealing with individual (nonreligious-based) rights can be interpreted as to be so completely right-wing, you might think me a fascist. So be it. Be afraid hippies, for you are privy to a great becoming.

I’m not quite sure what reaction I expect from people who know me. If you have issues, feel free to be honest with me. I have no feelings to be spared. ;) But in the end… I just wasn’t happy with my life, and I needed to make some major changes really soon before complete insanity set in. Though I suspect that to those of you who know me best… you already understand.

"Gather the faithful and propose a toast
To the epoch of indifference

An all to ordinary story
With aftertaste so bitter
Forced to be someone I don't want to be
I'm losing myself. sinking deeper down
I'm caught in the world wound web"
 
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01:50am 20/09/2006
 
mood: contemplative
This past year (especially the latter part) has by far been one of the most stressful periods of my life. On one hand, I was soon to be graduating. I was finally near the apex of what I have been trying to achieve these many years at San Diego State University. All of my hard (haha) work was finally coming to an end, and I was about to gets what's mine.

On the other hand, I had not a fucking clue of what I was going to do post-graduation. Enter dilemma.

Leading up to the few months before graduation, what I had in mind career-wise mostly entailed law enforcement or corrections, the field of corrections being of the keenest interest to me since being a CJA major. But as time drug on… I realized that maybe it's not for me. And maybe… law enforcement wasn't for me either. Law enforcement tends to make people bitter, cynical, and in many cases, dead inside. I'm already all three, so what matter of beast would I turn into?

As my summer ended, I knew that no matter what I did, I needed to do something that mattered in people's lives. This was quite the epiphany for me. For those of you who have known me the longest, you know that I can be one misanthropic (check your dictionaries, kids) son-of-a-bitch. One of the characteristics that I always defined myself with was my overwhelming loathing of human beings (never mind).

But I'm realizing… that I might not be quite as heavy metal as I thought I was. As it turns out, I can be rather fond of certain people. As it turns out, I am very much the humanist. Fuck.

As summer ended, I knew I could not have any position, at least not right now, where I wasn't feeling as if I was making a difference in anybody's lives. Guilt assaulted me. I realized more and more that I have been a very selfish human being all of my life. If I died, it wouldn't really fucking matter that goddamned much. And this isn't a prompt for you to tell me how great of an impact I have made in your life and how devastated you would be my loss, because you probably don't even really know me. Hell, I don't even know if I really know me. I cannot and will not be just some weird metal head guy who has a unique sense of humor and who has a knack for saying witty things during awkward moments. Oh, and he grew up in the desert too.

I have never truly been driven by anything in life except by sheer boredom. I take what I'm handed, and I hope that my future is less boring than whatever present state it is in. I have not cared about anything in life ever. I have never shed a tear over any issue, nor anyone. I am in many cases, heartless, and I use sarcasm to take the edge off it when my heartlessness on an issue comes to light. This is but one of many ways in which I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism. It has gotten to the point that I've been so very sarcastic for so very long, that I've forgotten where my off-switch it. I suppose if I cared enough, I could find it. Eh…

But back to the subject of mattering, I need to do something where I will no longer feel like a useless piece of shit. I need to know that I'm making a difference in people's lives. I need to know that after I've gone, people will see me as someone who really fucking cared about something, and did something about it. I think I am a good person, but I need to prove it to myself. ResEd has left me rather embittered to the impact that I can make in people's lives. As a RHCA, I felt like a cop. As a RA, I felt like a baby sitter. I did feel I made more of an impact as a RA than a RHCA, but did I? Does it matter? In the long-run, did I do any good? Or did I just baby sit for a year with nothing gained except for a new addition to my resume? I have tried to make a difference, but so far… I really am unsure of what I have accomplished.

These past three weeks have been an absolute headache for me. I just moved into my new apartment with Selene, someone who continually been one of my absolute and dearest friends these past five years in San Diego. This period of unemployment has been killing me inside. I do apologize for my rudeness these past few weeks. I have been less willing to return phone calls than usual. I have been less willing to socialize than usual. This is in part due to the fact that this unemployment has very much been an enormous mind-fuck, and I really have dreaded speaking to anybody about it, but it seems that this period of mindfuckiness has come to a close.

As of last Thursday, I have accepted a child care counselor position as a foster home in Escondido. Foster home made me a less than appropriate name, but I don't really have any other way of describing it. Apparently, it is the only institution of its type in the country.

San Pasqual Academy is a high school out in the middle of an agricultural reserve in Escondido. The population of the school is approximately the same size as my high school was back in the day, about 100. They actually play my high school in certain sports. At this school, every student is for whatever reason, a dependent of the San Diego Juvenile Court system. They will live out the rest of their lives on this high school campus until they graduate and become full-fledged adults, and for whatever reason, these kids are not in any stage of being reunited with their guardians.

This school is a culmination of several different non-profit and social work entities coming together with what they do best and creating a truly fantastic place to give these kids a leg up on a world that could have severely fucked them over at this place in their lives. There are resident social workers, internship possibilities, agricultural gardens, on-campus surrogate grandparents, RA-equivalents, and even temporary housing for recent graduates. The list goes on and on. This is truly an amazing place, a great stepping stone for whatever I choose to do after this.

I truly do hope that this works out for me. I do hope that I make a difference there. I've lived too long with this callousness inside. It's time for me to step up as a human being.
 
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05:44pm 14/12/2005
 
mood: Fuck finals! Fuck you!
So I'm reading about sexual repression for a sociology class, and I read the following:

"Graham crackers were invented to keep little boys from masturbating. It was thought that a cracker with less sugar than cookies would keep boys from becoming sexually excited."

So I guess this explains why I've never masturbated while eating graham crackers... o_O

THE MYSTERY IS OVER!!!
 
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Robocop is the shit.   
05:58pm 09/01/2005
 


 
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This journal is friends-only   
05:42pm 09/01/2005
 
mood: amused
Well, it's official. This journal is now completely friends-only as well as most of my previous entries in the last two years. I just don't feel comfortable as a RA posting everything publicly. On the record, I am a beacon of all that is ethical and politically correct in the world. I always follow the rules and always obey the laws. Off the record, I'm a human being who occasionally makes mistakes. As such, the whole fucking world doesn't need to know about them.

Some entries have been left alone for various reasons; one of these reasons is so future potential LJ friends can catch a glimpse of the bullshit I like to post about. Most of the entries I have left public are either about heavy metal or the latest reason why I think that I'm awesome. Enjoy.

I would like to thank Ryan for making my friends-only banner in my "Make a banner for Glenn" contest. Another "thank you" goes towards Jessica for her entries which are excellent as well, but unfortunately Ryan capitalized on my obsession with Robocop and sealed the win. Better luck to you all next year.
 
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02:51pm 09/01/2005
 
mood: tired
My cd inventory as of 1/9/05. None of these are burned. \m/-_-\m/

Read more...Collapse )
 
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04:56pm 09/12/2004
 
mood: pissed off
R.I.P. Dimebag Darrell
1966-2004
\m/
 
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Analysis and back history of heavy metal in relation to myself:   
12:51pm 19/11/2004
 
mood: rejuvenated
Believe it or not people, I love heavy metal. That is the one thing that has not changed about me since I was 13. Up until that point I had been mostly listening to early 90's pop and dance, bands which included the following: Everclear, Barenaked Ladies, Ace of Base, Technotronic (actually late 80s), and Presidents of the United States of America. Then one day, David, a peer in my class introduced me to the cd which would start it all, The Beavis and Butthead Experience, the most ultimate compilation of music to have ever existed prior to myself obtaining the ability to burn my own mix cds. While the whole compilation as a whole was extraordinary, the song that set the tone then and for every year to come was "I Am Hell” by White Zombie.

While I found this song in particular exciting to the extreme, I still did not give into the power of metal. It was not 1996 when I bought the Beavis and Butthead Soundtrack: Beavis and Butthead do America, that I had discovered another song which would change my life. It was that cd where I heard another White Zombie song "Ratfinks, Suicide Tanks and Cannibal Girls" which is still one of my absolute favorite songs of all time.

Also at around this time, I saw the first music video that had ever caught my full attention, Du Hast by Rammstein, which is still arguably one of the best music videos ever. It was the amazingly powerful visuals and strange feeling evoked my them that finally brought me to the dark side. I fell in love with the darkness of the video, the harshness, the beauty of it. I immediately bought White Zombie- La Sexorcisto and White Zombie- Astro Creep: 2000.

It took me a long while to embrace White Zombie's actual music, not due to the fact that these cds were musically bad. It was because of the "evil" images that were inside of the cd jacket of Astrocreep. I had grown up in a world of innocence, and to be honest, I wasn't shed of my innocence completely until my freshman year of college. But these dark images disturbed me, drawings of clowns holding guns with their penises shown and demons with "X"s engraved in their foreheads. I felt guilty just for listening to these cds. The jury was out whether I believed in God or not, but I was wondering whether I should take my chances or not with Him. Were these cds going to corrupt me? I guess I listened to "More Human Than Human" one too many times, because I realized that it was the most incredible thing that I had ever heard in my entire life. It was of no more use. I was tired of living a lie. I had to come out of the closet and admit that I might be a metal head.

Soon after that, I joined Columbia House and got a grip of new cds. Included in these cds were the beginnings of my metal library which has since expanded to about 350 cds currently; these cds included: Rammstein- Sensucht, Korn-Life is Peachy, Marilyn Manson- Antichrist Superstar, and the Spawn Soundtrack. I loved these cds so much that I soon bought Korn- Self Titled, Strapping Young Lad- City, Fear Factory- Obsolete. I had never felt so good about myself.

7th and 8th grade had been the worst years of my life. On a daily basis I had been ridiculed my older students. I had been insulted in every way, and every day somebody seemed to go out of their way to insure that the day would go poorly for me. It didn't take long for my depression to start, a depression which I wouldn't be able to shake off for the most part until the summer after my freshman year of college. Everyday, I was heckled by several boys who had several names for me, names that I care not to list right now. Every single physical abnormality of mine became my mental undoing, a knife that was twisted every time they saw me. Everyday became the worst day of my life. It didn't matter what happened that day. It was the worst day of my life. I wanted to die.

But for the moment, I had never really had anything to escape into besides video games. But video games only went so far... Video games were only a distraction, and I didn't really have any friends who I hung out with outside of school. Music became my addiction. It created a place for me to escape where there had been nothing before. My overwhelming depression was soon balanced out with rage. A rage that slowly consumed me over the years, but the anger was far more desirable than the depression. The anger gave me strength where before there was only weakness. I stopped being the little "fat faggot" that had been cuddled all his life by his mother, emotionally weak, and socially retarded by naiveté. I started to see things clearly for the first time, as my anger gave me a new dualistic lens to view the world. Everything became black and white, right and wrong. For the first time in my life, I was able to think philosophically, and I soon matured a great deal. The injustices that had been incurred upon me all my life became much less frequent and eventually disappeared altogether.

Eventually, the anger dramatically deteriorated as I described in my previous post. I no longer see the world quite so dualistically, now able to recognizing many spectrums without being bogged down by intense emotions.

Today, music is still my biggest comfort, my only real hobby that I have. I listen to it and I feel empowered. Metal has allowed me stay strong, to be individualistic. It's also allowed me to explore darker parts of my psyche without consequences that would have either ended my life or landed me in prison. It is an outlet for my anger, a fountainhead for new thought, and my sanctuary. In any case, without it, I would not be here today. When some people hear "just a lot of screaming and loud noise," I hear another world that you just don't understand.

To quote Marilyn Manson: ..growing up music was the escape. That was the only thing that had no judgments. You can put on a record and it’s not going to yell at you for dressing the way you do. It’s going to make you feel better about it.
 
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10:17pm 16/11/2004
 
mood: contemplative
I had a great conversation with Ryan the other night, and he had me explain the way that I see life, and I attempted to show how it could be applied to him. This is the way that I see my life and the way that I live it, but I've realized that I'd never before ever put this philosophy down in written form. So here goes...

I see everyday as another step into my own evolution as a person. Every single day which passes changes me. I am never the exact same person that I was the day before. Not to say that I dramatically change each day, the change is much more subtle than that.

Every day I encounter something new. Every day I learn something new about myself, no matter how slight it may seem. In any day, my thought processes will not be exactly the same. I will not think about the exact same things in the exact same order every day. The things that I do think about will vary with time and complexity. The amount of time that I spend thinking on any certain thing in a day will impact the amount of time that I spend on it from thereon. Each new thought process changes me. Every new thought enhances my cognitive horizons.

I see my life in terms of evolutionary leaps. I am very much not the same person that I was in high school or my freshman year of college. I have changed every year. Since being here at SDSU, I have had periods of time in my life where I reached a certain level of self-actualization, a sort of nirvana.

During my freshman year, I was the most hate-filled person that I have ever known. I hated nearly everyone and everything. I was frequently felt suicidal and rude to most people, because I didn't know any better. I hated life and everything that it had to offer. I was self-absorbed, existing in a world where nothing mattered except for my own depression. It consumed me, and I had no idea on what the hell was the matter with me. On top of this, I was involved with two girls that year who nearly destroyed me. In almost seems that they made an effort to ensure that I would be fucked up for life.

That following summer, the immediate period of time post-Jessica, I feel as if I made a complete change as a person. For the first time in my life, I learned to appreciate. I lived with a dysfunctional gay couple that summer, and I learned a tremendous amount about myself. I had finally discovered what it meant to be me. I made some of the best friends of my life that summer, and I fully understood what it meant to appreciate my friends and the people who appreciated me. I opened up a lot that summer with thanks to one of my roommates Scott, and my friend Jill.

With Scott, I was able to open up like never before. I was able to release my demons. We explored the darkest parts of my psyche, parts that I had bottled up and fueled my neverending rage. With Jill, I learned the value of friendship. I learned what it was to truly care about other people who mattered to me. She adopted me that summer, a summer which would have otherwise been the most lonely period of my life. I thank you Jill and Scott, as I thank Selene and Buckman who had been my only true friends my freshman year.

I have continually tried since then to expand my horizons, to move onto new plateaus which otherwise would have been unthinkable years ago. The RA position is one of them. If you had known me my freshman year, you would have known that becoming a RA would have been an extremely un-Glennlike position. No longer. I had never wanted anything as badly in my entire life because I knew that this would be my next huge step into becoming whole, and when I was rejected the first time around, I improved myself in the following year in every way that I needed to. I took it upon myself to become a better person, and it is this quest to complete myself which fuels me today.
 
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04:52pm 17/04/2004
 
mood: bored
So my buddy Ryan wrote a black metal song. It was funny as all fuck when I read it so I needed to share it with my peoples. I know as soon as I post this shit, the record deals are going to come pouring in.

</b>Applesauce Toenail Mercury</b>

(Black and death metal albums must have titles with three words that are completely unrelated)
Ö Indicates a black metal growling scream

Voc: Ryan Razon, Glenn Robinson
Keytar: Glenn-Overlord of Seven
Synth: Ryan- Jew
Drums: Jack Meoff

Buttterflies
Giraffes flow within me
Hate begets Nitrate

Ö----------------------->

Chorus:
My balls are sore
Black shit is cool
Molest puppy fetus
Life is pretty decent

Anthrax in my lungs
Things die
I hate my mom
Oh shit, I left the iron on

Ö----------------------->

Chorus X2

Balls shit fuck ass.
 
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01:00am 17/03/2004
 
mood: mischievous
Alright, alright... the cult... is fucking awesome.

I met Hitler's dad today! =D

Well, he wasn't his actual dad. I met the reincarnation of Hitler's dad. Not Hitler from Nazi Germany, mind you. This was the Hitler that existed on the lost continent of Atlantis 200,000 (?) years ago. This Hitler would later become the Hitler that we know about. So I met the guy who claims to be the reincarnation of the father of the reincarnation of Hitler. Yeah, it's complicated.

This guy totally believes it too! He started to lose his shit as he was saying it! I felt really bad for him when he started to cry while talking about it. He gets really emotional whenever it gets mentioned.

Hitler was an evil person way back when too. Apparently Atlantis Hitler tried to take over the control tower in Atlantis that controlled all the people in the world. Through this tower, you're able to control everyone via the chips that are implanted in everyone's head. Awesome.

Atlantis was around for a while until they destroyed themselves with an atomic weapon. The atomic weapon or whatever, destroyed all the pipage going on underneath the continent, making it sink into the ocean.

This story is not to be confused with the story of the Whatmacallit People who tried to steal some sort of plans from Atlantis. They were of course dark skinned.

The aliens who will eventually bring love, peace and ultimate knowledge to mankind are tall, white, blonde haired and blue eyed.

The Unarians are obviously not racist though, because they take great pride in their Cambodian member.

One thing that people may not realize is that all the different races of the world all come from different planets. The Nigerians were the first people to settle on this planet and became the organ donors for later peoples. Let me explain.

The Nigerians were the first people to colonize, therefore the first people to adapt. So when other races came to Earth in their spaceships, they obviously had trouble adapting to the climate or whatever. So for example, if an alien had trouble breathing here, all he'd have to do is nab himself a couple of Nigerian lungs, and BOO YAH.... an adapted alien. I should have asked how the Nigerian aliens thought about this organ donor policy. Oh well... I'm sure they were more than happy to contribute to the betterment of all the other aliens.

The person who Selene and I spoke to has lived on several planets through his reincarnations. He also has a twin brother on another world. We all do, in fact.

He calls himself a "psychic anthropologist." A higher source tells him where to dig, and then he does. He's not so much that anymore though. That seems to be more his occupation during his Atlantis years... He's an inventor now. He invents...stuff. He showed his monumental achievements for which he received many accolades for. He hooked up the lights for the huge model of the city of the future in the main room. Mad props. It's at least twice as difficult as putting up Christmas tree lights.

He also explained in length many of this experiments in electricity he's done. I admit, for a self-taught electrician of 80 or so years of age, his knowledge of electricity is impressive. He does no research, preferring to find things out on his own, or finding things out by aliens teaching him through his dreams. I say his knowledge is impressive for a self-taught electrician... but his experiments were equivalent to those of a 7th grade science project.

The founder of Universal Articulate Interdimensional Understanding of Science was a reincarnation of Jesus. His wife and cofounder was a reincarnation of Mary Magdalene. The leader after they died was a reincarnation of Ghengis Khan and Napoleon. At first he was an ineffective leader because of the guilt he felt for what he had done in his past lives, but he was able to channel the negative energy and turn it into something good. Yay!!! You da man, Antares!!! (Everybody has space names o_O)

Our Unarian educator used to be deathly afraid of needles. If he got a syringe in his arm, he would immediately faint. This stopped once memories from a past life suddenly came to him. He was once an indian, and he left his cave to go out hunting or whatever. A white person found his cave and stabbed our indian friend when he came back home with one of his own spears. Dude, sucked to be you!!! And we've all heard of those cave dwelling indians... right?

Alright... there was soo....sooo... much more that I learned, but I'm so tired. On a closing note, I'm into piercings because I'm probably in tune with an American Indian who I reincarnated from, because some of them had piercings. Yes, and I do believe he looked something like this:



Synopsis: Unarians fucking rock! \m/ -_- \m/
 
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10:36pm 15/03/2004
 
mood: happy


I hate Spring Break!!! I have absolutely nothing to do...whatsoever. I'm not working at either dorm, because they're both closed for break, which drives me absolutely insane, because I feel like such a lazy bastard whenever I'm not working. I need something to do. Not to say, I couldn't drive around and maybe visit a person or two... but I have no money. I get paid the Monday that school returns to session. Not having money is not stopping me from charging a whole shitload on my credit card... Hey... I'm out of debt for the first time in a year, I finally got the RA position, and I'm getting a phatty check on Monday. I'm entitled to splurge a little.

So far I've bought a Manson shirt, Cradle of Filth shirt, Amen shirt, Clockwork Orange shirt, 3 Forgotten Realms (D&D o_O) novels, new Hatebreed cd (my cd player ate my other one), Rammstein dvd (which I've wanted for fuckin' ever), Fugitive Hunter for my PS2 (1st person shooter where you kill wave after wave of Al Quaida terrorists. The last boss is Osama Bin Ladin. HAHAHAHA), another book called After Man (a very beautifully illustrated hypothetical zoology of the future after man causes his own extinction. I am still in the process of bidding on 5 other shirts (White Zombie, NIN, NIN, Fear Factory, and Shadows Fall) but after that, I swear I'll stop! And I know it all sounds like I just spent a grip of money, but it all amounts to about $100 because I rock at this ebay shit. That won't kill me too badly at all.
...

I said I had nothing to do but that's not entirely true. On Wednesday, I'm going to the San Diego Zoo again, which is like the best zoo in the entire world. I have a semester pass and I intend to use it quite a bit. I'll post all my animal pics later. The last time I went, I took a picture of a monkey eating out of another monkey's ass. I can honestly say that was the most awesome moment of my life. Animals rock! \m/ -_- \m/ I probably won't post that though.

But I guess my big adventure is tomorrow. Selene and I are visiting a San Diego based cult. We're off to visit the Unarians! =D Selene is a religious studies major, and she chose to write a paper about these guys rather than a conventional religion. She asked me to come along, and of course I did. They believe that aliens are going to land any day now, and these guys are continually planning for their arrival. Also, Jesus was a scientist who preached what the Unarians are still preaching, a higher source will come for us one day. Only in their case, they mean aliens... not so much God as we think of Him. The founder of the Unarians was of course a reincarnation of Jesus. In other words, these guys rock, and they're always willing to educate people who want to learn about them. =D

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/CAELCunarius.html This puts all the cool things they believe in into a nutshell.

http://www.unarius.org/start.html Their official webpage... o_O
"Ruth Norman and Charles Spaegel
By the year 2001 A.D., the last remaining barrier of space flight will have been overcome! An interstellar starship carrying 1,000 space scientists from the planet Myton, in the starcluster of the Pleiades, will arrive on Earth and land on the raised portion of Atlantis in the Caribbean Sea! The arrival of extraterrestrials will signal the real beginning of the Age of Logic and Reason and the Renaissance of Spirit on planet Earth. Famine, disease, war, and crime as holdovers from man's past, are evidence of extensive psychic amnesia, which will be removed with the knowledge of man's prehistory, not only on Earth, but also in space travel!
Man's next step will be in the recognition of extraterrestrial life on other planets in the Milky Way Galaxy and of Homo sapiens functioning as a part of an Interplanetary Confederation within a Grand Design of Life. "


http://www.unarius.org/mov/eln-uriel.html Movies of the cofounders of the Unarians!!! You have to watch Uriel's video! Do it!

Yay for UFO cultists! This is like Heaven's Gate* type shit right here.

*Heaven's Gate was that other famous San Diego based UFO cult that committed mass suicide. They thought their souls would enter the Hale-Bopp comet where aliens lived. Oh, duh! So that's where they've been hiding...

I mean... if you want to get enriched in some San Diegan culture, visiting a local UFO cult or two seems to be a good place to look.
 
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01:56am 13/03/2004
 
mood: annoyed
Some fucking porn spammer has hacked into one of my friend's AOL IM accounts!!! RAWR!! SO....ANGRY. Unless she's pulling a prank on me... which was what I thought in the beginning... but no... I really really doubt it. It doesn't feel like it at all anymore. It's actually very creepy...



Note: Whenever she types a word in all caps, it links you to this site... http://www.wizzurd.com/kelly/?webcam=Michael


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101 Rules of Black Metal   
10:58pm 12/02/2004
 
mood: amused

This is the coolest thing ever... and much of it unfortunately true...

 

 

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